Juggling Act

I'm only one person. (Yes, I realize that I'm starting to sound exactly a wee bit like my mother.) That statement, which I'd heard so often as a child, is turning out to be so annoyingly true. Only now I get to be the one who reminds my kids of this fact.

Sometimes I feel like I could yell it from the rooftops. To everyone. Not just the kids. Doesn't anyone understand? Shouldn't every mother understand? After all, every mother who has ever lived was only one person.

I guess my point is that I am definitely not Superwoman. Not even close. And I am not trying to be. Some of the mothers I know can just go, go, go. They seem to have no limitations. So it's easy for me to understand why they can't figure out where I'm coming from. Crazy me, who could so easily (happily, in my pajamas) just stay home every day. Does that mean I'm just lazy? Or is it something else? It is hard to say since I only live in these shoes and not anyone else's. But I can try to explain what it's like over here, and what I see that is dissimilar in other mother's lives, little things that might make a difference.

For me it really is hard to manage all of the aspects of my life while caring for two small children. (And I don't even have a job outside of the house! Those moms are amazing to me.) Sometimes I think it could be as simple as, my rate of speed. I don't do anything very quickly, never have, probably never will. I'm just a slow poke. I also have time management issues. Perfectionistic tendencies and procrastination galore. Not a good combination. I think the battle was lost before it ever began.

My other thought is that other moms have better support systems, or more money allowing them to hire help. They say it takes a village. What do you do when you don't have that village? (Well, besides getting burnt out and wanting to run far, far, far away?) I don't have a babysitter, or a nanny, or a mom, or a dad, or anyone else who can just come right over and pick up the kids, or take them for the weekend, or take them to school, or whatever. Most of my mom friends have some form of this.

I know that every mom has similar family responsibilities (at least I assume they do.) You know, stuff like house cleaning, grocery shopping, running errands, reading stories, paying bills, making doctor's appointments and cooking meals. So I can't really pick on that stuff. Although a few of my very lucky mom friends have a cleaning person that comes every so often. And some others have husbands who couldn't care less about what the house looks like. So they can get away with slacking on the house chores. Not here. I do want to keep the Regime happy, and he really, really prefers a neat and clean house. (And neat and clean kids.) I also wonder if my kids are more demanding than some others. Or maybe the way that I parent takes more of my time.

As you probably already know, I can get slightly obsessive about things like recycling (previously mentioned here, and here) and trying to live a greener lifestyle in general. Sometimes I think that my doing this makes my life slightly harder and these goals do take time. Cloth diapering creates two extra loads of laundry each week. Rinsing, sorting and taking the plastics (that can't be recycled on the curb) to the co-op that will take them, in Northeast Minneapolis, takes extra time. Washing plastic food storage bags by hand so that I can reuse them. Volunteering with Teeny Greenies. And many other things that are just little extras here and there, but it all adds up. (I'm not complaining, because I really want to do these things.)

Next on my list of possible differences is my long, hard (never ending?) fight with depression and anxiety. As I mentioned before I am now on meds and I think that they are helping. Some. Today I was thinking that maybe some people are just good at being sad. Some excel at being happy. While others are really great at getting angry. I think that being sad is my default state of being. Crying comes easy for me and always has. I don't have a horrible life, no reason to be really sad, and yet it still comes. When I think about that, and the someone else who does have it really bad, I get even sadder, for them.

Then there's the anxiety, especially in social situations (and regarding sickness and germs). I made myself go to a play date yesterday. It was hard for me. You have no idea how badly I wanted to find an excuse to stay at home. And then, of course lots of people reminded me of the fact that I've been MIA from the group (a local meetup group for moms) for the past year or more. They didn't mean anything by it and it is totally understandable that they would say that seeing as it's true. But I heard it so much that it made me feel really uncomfortable. Am I just a really shy person, trying to fight it and not having much luck? I have made some close friends, though I haven't been the best friend to them. I feel awful about it. But sometimes I barely have the mental strength to take care of myself and my family. I know that sometimes my friends take it personally, and they really shouldn't. (If you are a friend, please forgive me, I've just been dealing with my own issues. Please know that I am trying, and I will continue to try to make the effort to stay friends. I need all of the friends that I can get at this point.)

Lastly, what kind of person would I be if I didn't have any selfish pursuits? I like to blog, bake, spend time on the Internet, exercise, watch movies, read books, and much, much more. I've cut back. Way back on many of these activities because they all take time and energy that I often just don't have. But I have to admit that I still do take time for these things. Because everybody needs a break. Even (maybe especially so) busy moms. I've also started working on writing a novel. It's in it's infancy, but the process has begun. I even got a really great journal to write ideas in. I keep it around me all of the time so that whenever a thought comes I can just jot it down.



So how do you stay busy? (Besides reading this incredibly longwinded blog post.)

Grrrrr...

I stayed up late last night writing a post for today. I had it scheduled to post this morning at 8 a.m. I had a busy day and just got over here to check on my blog post. Lo and behold, it wasn't here.

Any one else have problems with scheduling posts on blogger?

Quality vs. Quantity

Buying organic can really cause some sticker shock. Especially in this economy. But, if buying organic is a priority for your family, you really can make it work even if you are on a budget, like us.

I've found ways to save. For instance, when I am able to make the trek to the co-op* I really only buy bulk stuff and the deals. I've found that their sales are always comparable to, or better than regular grocery store prices.

I also have this really cool coupon book for all kinds of organic things, and places that sell those types of things. And if you'd like to nab a free copy check this out.

Also, some organic brands have coupons you can print from their websites. Like one of my favorite brands for milk and eggs. Another way to save on organics is to buy the store brand organic items that you find at the regular grocery store. In Minnesota, Cub Foods has an organic line called Wild Harvest. And Rainbow Foods has Roundy's brand organic foods. These store brands are usually much cheaper than the name brands and often go on sale.

When I really started buying more organic (and not everything I buy is organic...some things are just way too expensive...I can't do it) I decided that having LESS better quality food is better than having MORE crappy food. The old Quantity vs. Quality decision. When I am limited by money (which I almost always am) I would rather make due with a half gallon of good quality organic milk instead of being able to buy a whole gallon of the normal stuff. (And then we try not to waste any of our food...though with kids that can be hard at times.)

Americans in general usually eat too much anyhow (me included), and they are usually consuming cheap, junk foods in large quantities. That can't be good for anyone...and for many, many reasons...on many levels (well, I suppose the guy on top getting rich doesn't mind so much).

So when I shop I try to remember these thoughts. I've come a long way, baby. And I'm still working on it but, dang, I really do love me some crap food. I really think that I have poor people taste buds. As in cheap, white trash food loving tastebuds. They just aren't snobby...no matter how hard I try. French Chèvres...bleck! Velveeta...yum! Expensive dark chocolate...bleck! Hershey's bar (with almonds)...YUM-O! You get the idea.


*I seriously wish that there was a co-op closer than a twenty minute or more drive from my house. I'd shop there a lot more if I were closer. Maybe that should be another item on my list of necessities for my dream house...walking distance to a co-op.

If I Could Just Stop Eating So Much

This is the summer for me to get back in shape. I can just feel it. I know everybody says stuff like that. I know everybody means it. But I really mean it. (So ask me again in a few months.)

The reason for my conviction is the fact that I joined the community center down the street. They have a gym, pools, exercise classes, even an indoor ice skating rink. They had a great deal for the summer that I just couldn't pass up.

So far it has been great. I didn't realize how much I'd missed going to the gym until I was there.* It's a nice break for me. No kids, no housework, and I even get to read without any interruptions. It makes me feel soooo much better in lots of ways. I feel like I should have done this a lot sooner.

Tonight after my work out, I was looking at my stomach in the mirror and feeling annoyed with it. I was imagining, hoping, dreaming that one day it will be better. My darling daughter noticed me looking at it and chimed in with the following:

P.D.: Look at that beauuuutiful fat belly!
Me: Hey...did you just hear that?
The Regime: (no response, just a sheepish grin)
P.D.: Mom...you are supposed to say thank you.
Me: Oh really.



*I honestly do love going. I've been known to get addicted to working out once I get into the habit. That's what I'm hoping for anyhow. Cause giving up and becoming a frumpy mama is not good for my psyche.

Worms are Finally Eating (some of) My Garbage

You read correctly. We've got our worm farm going! Oh, yeah! Yes, I do realize that my first mention of worm composting was almost a year ago. Better late than never, right?

I had wanted to take a worm composting class at Eureka Recycling last February. Unfortunately, it didn't work out and I haven't seen another class on their schedule since then. Hopefully they will have another one. Cause I could really use some worm education. In the meantime I'll just have to make due with reading up on the subject. (Speaking of which, I should probably be doing that right now...)

I just dove right into the worm experiment because there was a woman* who was willing to give away some of her red wigglers if I helped harvest them. So I found a website with instructions on how to make an easy, and cheap worm bin. And then I headed on over to her house and helped sort out the worms.

So far it seems pretty easy. Also Punky Doodle asks about checking on the worms every day and she loves to feed them. Who knew that a kid would be so happy about pet worms? Please tell me that with her enthusiasm we are bound to succeed.



*This woman is what you would call a very CRUNCHY granola mom. Vegan, raw food eating, homeschooling, kombucha brewing, permaculture gardening, and so on. She had all kinds of wheat grass and microgreens growing in her kitchen, alongside the kombucha. Also her husband is building a boat, and they plan to live on the boat when it's finished. Interesting people make the world go round. How boring would it be if we were all the same?