Lucky Number 350

Today was the International Day of Climate Action. There were more than 5,000 demonstrations all around the world. All based on the number 350.

What does 350 have to do with anything? The concentrations of carbon dioxide in our atmosphere need to be at or below 350 parts per million, or there's going to be hell to pay.

Currently we are at 390 ppm and rising. Rapidly. If we don't all make changes (big or small) then it will only get worse. Scientific research says that there will be human and natural disasters as a result of our carelessness. So now is the time. Now. Not tomorrow. Not next month. Not next year. Now.

To check out some cool pics from some of today's demonstrations, click here.

Melancholy Melanie

As I peer out the window, the black patio chairs are being covered. Covered with big wet flakes. I can barely see the tips of the green grass. Most everything is white out there. Except for the beautiful oranges, reds, and yellows still hanging onto the trees. Quite an odd combination. If I was in charge, it wouldn't even think of snowing until all of the tree branches were bare, brown and in need of some clean white stuff.

Unfortunately it isn't the first time it has snowed this year. It's the fourth. (But who's counting?) This is definitely the worst October recorded in my memory. There have been only a couple of pretty fall days this month. Otherwise its been all clouds, rain, cold temps, and snow. I hope this isn't a prediction of how intense the coming months are going to be. Maybe this is the worst of it. Maybe November will feel like October normally does, in order to make up for it. Maybe, but probably not. I just feel like I've got to hold out some hope. No matter how hopeless I feel. Perhaps mournful times like these are the most important for clinging on to my delusional thoughts daydreams.

I know I should be positive and write out a list of the 100 things I'm grateful for, why I love being a mom, what I love about Minnesota, etc. Should, but I'm not. (I'm too stubborn I guess. Maybe I could make that an assignment for a future post.) Right now, I just feel like bellyaching. Things just aren't peachy here. The past month has not been easy. Someone has had a sniffle, cough, or fever almost every day of the last month. Just when it seems one thing is gone, another illness strikes. Plus families are great at sharing germs, so just as one person gets well another falls ill.

I knew that once preschool started we would be inundated with germs. But I didn't think it would be quite this bad. I wonder if we'll ever see my in-laws again. We can't visit until all illness is completely gone. Because my mother-in-law has polymyositis, she's taking medicine to suppress her immune system. Which means it's really important for her to stay away from sick people. (We miss you guys! Send get well and stay healthy vibes over our way.)

I've decided it's not my month. Cause I also managed to lose my driver's license at the mall this week. I put it in my pocket and when I got home it was no longer there. And I don't remember putting it anywhere else, so it must have fallen out. I've got my fingers crossed that someone found it, and has, or is going to mail it to me. (Now I'm daydreaming that my license will be delivered to my mailbox tomorrow.)

Nothing has happened with our house. Still no interest. But it looks as though selling in the spring will most likely be more advantageous for us anyhow. So I'm feeling alright with all of that. Let's hope they extend and expand that home buyer credit.

Another thing that happened this month, was with a different grandfather, same hospital. My mom's dad (a.k.a. Grandaddy) fell fast asleep in his tall kitchen chair, and managed to fall out of it. Fortunately, my uncle was at his house when it happened. Grandaddy got banged up pretty badly so he is still recovering in the hospital. But the good news is that he should be okay.

Let's hope I've hit bottom, and the only way to move on is to go up from here. There must be sunny days ahead. When I find them I'll let you know and I won't take them for granted. Not at all. I'll soak in every ray of sunshine possible.

Cookies Make Everything Better

So much for my big plans. I guess I'll just scrap that idea. It turns out that having a set day makes it even harder for me to write. It was starting to feel more like an assignment than a hobby.

So from now on I'll try to write when the mood strikes and I have the time. In my life this is an elusive combination. (Either I have the opportunity and no desire, or I have the desire and no opportunity.) Unfortunately, I haven't been excited about writing lately. I guess I'm in a funk. I'm sad, unmotivated, and feeling really, really lonely. I need more real, live, fun, happy-go-lucky, and there-for-you friends, outside of this computer. (I have a couple good ones, but somehow it doesn't feel like enough. I'm needy like that.) And I know that if my mom was here she would retort with, "To have a friend, you have to be a friend." (I always hated it when she would say that.) Now I hear it in my head all of the time, and I hate it cause it's true. And because it is very challenging for me. I don't have the skills. I don't know how to be a good friend, and balance everything else in my life.

Sometimes I think I miss having religion in my life. I miss the social aspect of it. It felt like a big family, most of the time. I miss the picnics, weddings, parties, and other social events. I miss having something to get dressed up for. (I know my husband doesn't miss any of that, but I sure do.) I've thought about looking for a new religious community. But I don't even know where to start with that. And I'm scared.

Yes, I realize that I should make an appointment to see a psychologist. I think it might help. But I have no desire to go through the harrowing process of finding a decent psychologist. From where I stand, it's a Catch-22.

I really wanted to update you guys on everything. Not just my mental, and social issues. After all you guys might be wondering about our house for sale, the status of my "beauuuutiful fat belly," Teeny Greenies, or the worm bin I started a while back.

• "Our House is a Very, Very, Very Fine House"
  

As far as the house, nothing to report. The market is stagnant for us. We've had the house on the market for more than a month, and only one uneventful showing. I've heard other people have had some luck in this market, but not us. Before we listed it I was hopeful, but not anymore. We thought maybe we'd get a first time buyer who was looking to get the tax credit. Seems doubtful now, since closing would have to take place before December 1st in order for them to qualify for the credit. Perhaps the buyers out there are looking for a better deal than we are able to give. The realtor talked us in to listing it for more than I thought we should, so we'll probably have to lower our listing price.

• I'm Still Working at It
  

My summer membership at the local community center is over. I used it plenty and was glad to have it, but couldn't really afford to keep it at the regular price. (They had a great summer deal.) So now it's back to walking outside more, using our treadmill, and exercise videos On Demand. I feel like I'm in better shape than I was at the beginning of the summer, even if the scale refuses to budge. What can I say I live to love to eat.

• Worms are Friends, Flies are Not
  

The worm bin is okay. It has been relegated to the garage. It doesn't smell the best. Worst of all the worms aren't the only critters eating my garbage. I feel like I'm breeding fruit flies. So I think there is a good chance that the worms will have to go. Cause from what I read (maybe I should read a little more) the fruit flies are a given. I'm disappointed, but I can't have fruit flies swarming my house. Especially while it's on the market.

• Give and Take

I'm still the Volunteer Coordinator for Teeny Greenies. We could definitely use more help. So if you or anyone you know would be interested, pass our info along to them. Right now there are loads of people willing to try cloth diapers, and a waiting list to prove it. Unfortunately, there aren't as many people lining up to help out with the cause. So right now the founder is thinking of ways to make the system run smoother. It sounds like she is going to switch from the waiting list to a first come, first serve lending library. We'll also be having a Cloth Diaper Info Session at the Hamline Midway Library coming up sometime in October.

• Finally Some Good News
  

My search has ended. I have finally found (after many years and countless botched attempts) a chocolate chip cookie recipe for keeps. (My first attempt wasn't great. Make sure you use unsalted butter, and I only used regular semisweet morsels with no problems.) I've always loved to bake, but have never been very talented with cookies, until now.

The Next Day

On Friday, August 28th we made it to the hospital well before noon. Noon was the time that the family was to meet with my grandfather's physicians in order to discuss his fate.

The room was filled to the brim. Including his doctors, two children, four grandchildren, one great granddaughter,* and a dear wife of sixty-one years. During the meeting my grandfather's failing condition was discussed. As well as what he would want, and what the family thought was best.

It was decided that after they removed the breathing tube they would only provide hospice care. No more tubes or respirators. The doctors would not interfere, aside from administering morphine when he was in pain. Nature would be allowed to run its course. The doctors told us it could take five minutes, five hours, or five days. Only time would tell.

We all went in to see him before the breathing tubes were removed. (I hope I'm so lucky, to have all of my family surrounding me and supporting me when I am near my end.) It was very emotional. We all knew that this might be the last time that we'd see him alive. He was unable to talk due to the tubes in his mouth, nose and throat. I told him again how much I loved him, how happy I was to have the chance to visit him, and that he had always been a good grandpa. Followed by a "take it easy" and "see you later." (I did not want to say goodbye.)

That meeting was followed by hours of anxious waiting in the hospital waiting room, where I had been left alone with the Bug, who was sleeping on me, while the rest of my family went down to the cafeteria. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. I tried to sleep, but couldn't. I tried to read, but couldn't. I tried to stop feeling sad, but couldn't. I tried to stop the tears from coming. (Surprise, surprise.) I wasn't able to do that either.

Eventually we were told that the tubes were out, and that we could go back to visit with him again. It was nice to see him without the tubes and to hear his voice again. He seemed to be doing pretty well. He told my grandma, "Don't forget your pocketbook." Which made us all laugh, and my grandma assured him that she wouldn't forget it. Before I came in he had also been asking if the funeral home people were on their way. During this visit I told him again how much I loved him and how happy I was to be there with him. I held his hand. Right as I was saying my goodbye he squeezed my hand with a very strong grip. It almost seemed as if he didn't want to let it go. But unfortunately I had to get back to my girls, who were not allowed into the intensive care area. And with that I uttered once again, "I'll see you later." This time I actually felt relieved and believed I would see him later, because he was doing better than we all expected.

After this we were all in better spirits. He seemed strong and I felt that maybe he had a few more days left in him. So we ended up going with my sisters, my mom and my other grandfather out to eat dinner. After that I stopped at the hospital again and tried calling my dad and step mom. I couldn't get a hold of anyone and the three of us (the kids and me) were all pretty tired and had already been at the hospital for most of the day. So we didn't even get out of the car. I just decided to drive back up to my sister's house for the night and planned to come visit with my grandpa again in the morning.

When I got to my sister's house I noticed that my cell phone was almost out of power, so I plugged it in. What I didn't realize is that it had shut off with out me knowing it. I only discovered this the next day, after my sister noticed, and listened to a message from dad on her phone. As it turned out, he had left a similar message on my phone. Early Saturday morning, around 1 a.m. our Grandpa passed away peacefully after 88 years of life.




*The Bug was very clingy and tired at this time, and I didn't want to leave my sister-in-law alone with four kids under the age of five. Yikes!

Home Sweet Home

Note: The following post was written on Thursday, August 27, 2009. While I was still in Virginia. The craziness that ensued is the reason for why I am just now getting around to publishing it. More than a week later on this Saturday, September 5th, 2009.
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Everytime I come to Virginia, I feel at home. I think I will miss my hometown until the day I die. Or the day I return. (Whichever comes first.) Maybe I'll get lucky and retire out here.

I'd like a house with a beautiful view of the valley and lots of trees all around. That would be ideal.

You should see the place where my sister lives. She was kind enough to let us stay with her. It's so beautiful. It's (literally) on top of a mountain. With an elevation of 2,260 feet. The view is awesome. The stars at night are great too. The only hard part is the drive up. Narrow, winding, vertical roads through the woods. Which I had the pleasure of driving in my sister's Prius. (I'm beyond jealous. I totally want one.)

Here is the view of Appalachia (yes, that's West Virginia in the distance) from her kitchen window. (And no, my photography skills do not do it justice.):


I think that there is no cure for it. I'll forever be a country mouse. (Married to a city mouse.) But I know that living in the Twin Cities will give my children lots of opportunities that they wouldn't have in a small town. As my dad said jokingly, "If you want to stay here we can teach you how to speak West Virginian instead of Mandarin." (The Mandarin Immersion program we are hoping to get the kids into is a big part of wanting to stay in Minnesota. It's also the reason for why we have our house up for sale right now; Miss Doodle starts Kindergarten next year.)

At any rate I am extremely grateful to be here right now. I am soaking it up. For I don't know when I'll be back again. I must stay in the moment and enjoy every second of it.

I am also very thankful that I made it in time. I got to see my grandfather today. I was able to tell him how much I love him and to thank him for being such a good grandpa. I also got to hug my grandma and comfort her.

While I was in the hospital room, the doctor came in and talked with my grandma. He said there is a tough decision to be made. They are planning to take out the breathing tube. And it needs to be decided how long the family wants to prolong the inevitable.